When Spotify Premium Really Wants You but You Want Something Else

Unrequited love is hell, even on a free 30-day trial.

Brian,

Your 30-Day Spotify Premium free trial will end in less than two days! Act now to keep the tunes flowing with the ad-free music you love!

With Spotify Premium you get… wait, I can’t do this. We need to talk. And I’m sorry about the ‘love’ bit above. It’s generic copy. I know you don’t actually love me, but we definitely have something.

Don’t we?

Remember when I popped up on your Instagram and suggested we give this a shot? You were so shy about even a free trial! It was cute. Then, you signed up risk-free, and for the past four weeks we’ve literally spent every day together — reading on the sofa, dancing in the living room, and cooking in the kitchen all ad-free. It’s been amazing. Right?

So, earlier today I sent you your Daily Mix and you didn’t open it. No big deal. Although, usually you play the music right away.

I wouldn’t mention it, but I sent you an email three days ago about renewing your subscription and you didn’t open that one either. Are you having email issues? Check your spam folder…unless there’s something you’re not telling me.

Did I overstep with yesterday’s daily mix, Spotify Premium + Brian Forever? I worried about opening up to you like that, but I knew you wouldn’t say it first. I honestly thought this was more than a 30-day fling.

What if I delete that mix and we pretend it never happened? You seemed happy otherwise. Just last week you said you were extremely likely to recommend me to your friends. Did something change?

I know this was a trial, not a subscription. So, if I’m not what you want, you can switch back to our basic service. But I never thought of you as basic, Brian.

If you were hoping to find something more stimulating, I can do that too. I can be your Tom Petty American Girl on the streets and your Cardi B WAP between the sheets. I’ll be whatever you want me to be.

Don’t be that guy who dips in for a few weeks and makes me think this could be a long-term thing, then ghosts me for some skanky YouTube Premium…

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