Obsequious Girl

For those of you who know, Yemeni people though are known for their generosity and excessively kind nature. As well as big time traditionalists. However the culture can be intensely patriarchal.

Yes, being a young woman from a Yemeni heritage, I proudly preach about my culture and consider myself to be quite traditional, though that might sound surprising to those who assume they know me.

Disclaimer, although not many will like what I’m about to say, not speaking for ALL Yemeni people I know.

I wanted to touch on the double standards between sons and daughters. The inequality that goes on in a Yemeni household in particular and how in my opinion causes so many issues such as sexism, brothers feeling and behaving more superior towards their sisters even when they’re younger than their sisters.

We notice the obvious type of mistreatment which is the more visible kind, e.g. physical abuse.

But let us address the hidden, more damaging kind, mental and emotional abuse. The kinds that is less visible and will takes a longer for one to notice, if they do.

Now that I am a parent, I detect how some parents abuse their rights as parents to their children. Using the religion as a weapon to project guilt and make them do things they didn’t necessarily ‘Choose’. Bare in mind in Islam parents have rights upon their children just like we have rights upon our parents. Sometimes, most times adults choose to ignore that detail.

They do this by either embedding guilt on them, or having this sick hold over their child, which they aren’t able to let go of, sometimes even right through to adulthood.

Eg like doing things for their children, sacrifices. Which all parents naturally do anyway. And throwing it back in their face.

Causing the children to feel guilt and anxiety. When in reality the parent was just unhappy, miserable and wanted to pin the blame on someone else.

This here is called - Insecure parenting. Parents who are so unhappy and forget to live by their own dreams and values and use the notion of, “I did this for you and this is how you repay me?”.

Parents who live for other people’s happiness when in reality it was costing them their own happiness, but what’s worse is causing damage to their own children.

Let’s talk about being a female. As hard as it is being one anyway, it’s even harder in A Yemeni household. When all is expected of you is to wake up nice and early, Cinderella your way around the house, but dare you for any reason miss cleaning day. Your love is measured by your performance. Excruciating period pains or not. You do your chores. It’s as if your love depends on your compliance.

Basically a good girl is one who is submissive, compliant, obedient, and isn’t too loud. By loud I mean “Overly opinionated”. A yes girl. You see all this works when it is towards your parents, because “Wala taqulahuma UFFIN” [you will understand if you’re Arab].

Basically one of our Islamic values which is not to disrespect your parents. Not so much by even huffing and puffing. But some parents abuse that verse. They use it against their children to benefit their own needs.

Don’t give your opinions too strongly, because that will be misinterpreted to being too ‘Westernised’, ‘Rude’ and ‘Disrespectful’.

Oh yeh and let’s not forget the about your physical modesty, meaning don’t talk too loud, don’t be heard laughing too loud, don’t be seen by men, don’t even be heard, dress in over-sized clothing, you know, so that they can’t differentiate between your leg and your forearms etc.

But those male bullies who seem to find a way to pick on a ladies dress sense. Is usually the one who didn’t know that Allah addresses modesty in the Quran to MAN before he addresses women.

Basically if you’re a timid, introvert, with no interest in fashion, comply without talking back, take on all types of toxicity from parents and brothers because it’s Islamic then congratulations you tick all the boxes, you win.

Part 2 To be continued..

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